Monday, April 11, 2016

When you were standing at the alter with your husband or wife to be, this line of thinking was not going through your head: 'I wonder how much my divorce is going to cost?'  That's insane right!?  You're thinking about the adventures you're going to have...the family that you will grow together, the places you will go together.

What happened?  The wedding day was so full of excitement and joy.  Why is it that just a few short years later we are ready to throw the towel in on our marriages?   Where did we disconnect?

I mean think about it.  When you were dating she was the most amazing thing in the world.  You could not wait to see her.  He could do no wrong, you were his biggest fan.  What happened?  Was it just one day you all stopped digging each other?  I don't think it happens like that...I think it's a slow fade.

Here are a few things that I think cause our marriages to fall apart.

1. Unmet Expectations  
So we all have expectation in life.  We think things should go a certain way and they don't.   You know what I'm talking about.  You have plan something, and we all play stuff our in our minds and dream about how a day or an event is going to go and when it goes south or goes a direction we were not thinking or planning on we tend to get really upset.  This happens in marriages everyday.  Men and women both set expectations and sadly don't communicate those expectations...we tend to think in our minds that the other person should automatically know what we want or need. But they don't!  We need to communicate and talk about what we are expecting and be willing to have some give and take in our expectations.  Look at this verse. The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. Psalm 23:1

Make Christ the center point of your marriage.  When both parties are looking to Jesus as the founder and perfecter of their lives we have less reason to disagree.  This means BOTH parties are chasing Jesus not their personal expectations.  So therefore if an expectation does not get met we put our own 'rights' to death and put the other person's needs ahead of our own. When we both rest in His Grace and focus on Him the contentions are less.  Just think how this alone would transform our marriages.

2. Laziness.
Yes both parties can over time get lazy.  Just think how much effort and time you put into wowing your girl when you  were dating.  I mean you planned out your dates, in hopes of making her just look at you in awe and wonder.  When she was looking at purses you stuck by her like glue and ACTED interested.  When she said 'what do you think...?' you actually gave her a response that showed you were interested in her.  Ladies (and Gentlemen) when you all were dating you took time to look and smell good.  But for some reason both parties seem to get a lazy mindset and just stop trying to look 'hot' for one another.  When you were dating both of you did your best to look your best..that needs to be something that still happens  in your marriage.  Don't get lazy.  

3. You Stop Paying Attention 
When you were first dating your spouse you paid attention to their likes and dislikes...and if they said something like 'I really like that FILL IN THE BLANK' you paid attention and you took mental notes and went back and bought it later and then in a fun way you surprised them with that FILL IN THE BLANK THING.  But somewhere along the line you stopped paying attention. When you stop paying attention to details you make the other person not feel as valuable as they once were.   Try paying attention again and see how that goes.  LISTEN! and then DO!

4. You Stopped Flirting. 
When you first noticed your spouse you went out of your way to flirt with them.  You pursued them you did things that made them feel like they were the most valued person in your life.  Somewhere along your journey together you stopped flirting.  It is never a bad idea to pursue and flirt with your spouse!  It's never a bad idea to make your spouse feel special and valued.

The moment you destroyed your marriage was the moment you stopped working on it.

Here is the thing, your marriage is going to take work.  It's going to take BOTH of you doing the above things plus maybe a few more things to actually make it work.  Coasting is never an option.  You both have to be engaged and working to put the other person FIRST!  I've never seen a marriage fall apart if both people in the marriage are striving to put the other person first!  It always will work!

Look at this verse:

Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor. Romans 12:10 

I think if we lived this verse our we'd have less divorces and more anniversary parties.


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